The Gottman Method for healthy relationships
Return main feature: Love Is Not A Mystery
Build love maps
How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, his or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?
Share fondness and admiration
The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. (To strengthen fondness and admiration, express appreciation and respect.)
State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to (turn toward) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of a relationship.
The positive perspective
The presence of a positive approach to problem-solving and the success of repair attempts.
Relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. Understand that there is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.
Make life dreams come true
Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions, and aspirations.
Create shared meaning
Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.
A person needs to know that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s best interests and benefits, not just the partner’s own interests and benefits. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”
Believe (and act on the belief) that your relationship is your lifelong journey, for better or for worse. (If it gets worse. you will both work to improve it.) It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favorably with real or imagined others, rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities, and nurturing resentment by comparing unfavorably with real or imagined others.
source: The Gottman Institute
Published in the Winter 2016 issue